CMC Rock  A LK Oneshot Parody
by SubZeroGreymon
Summary: Sweetie Belle is a famous rock star... but she misses her friends. What would happen if she tried to get them back?  Madness. Madness upon stupidity.


It has been five years since the day Nightmare Moon was vanquished, and Manehattan was busy. Ponies gathered in throngs to see a performance unlike any other. A performance only a showpony could pull off. And a certain unicorn was ready to wow the crowd.

"SB, you really for this?" One of the announcers asked the star in question.

"I'm ready," The pony replied.

"Alright," The announcer walked out and took the microphone. Clearing his throat, the pony shouted, "Ladies and Gentlemen! may I present, in her one pony production of "Hamlet the Rock Star", Sweetie Belle!"

And the now teenaged Sweetie Belle jumped out, script in hoof, and smile on her face.

"To be or not to be a Rocker!" Sweetie spoke, "That's the question!"

Little did she know that someone she knew was watching.

"Hey, Scoots," Rainbow Dash shouted at the similarly aged Scootaloo, "Sweetie Belle's on TV again."

"I have better things to do than watch that blowhard," Scootaloo replied, "Like make out with my girlfriend."

"Look, Scoots," RD's boyfriend, Soarin', turned to her, "We've never met your little girlfriend, and that's starting to annoy u-"

"I meant my motorbike," Scootaloo replied, pointing towards the customized bike she made a few years back with Apple Bloom's help.

"Hey, it just occurred to me," Fluttershy, who had started rooming with RD when Angel Bunny took over the house, "Why don't you hang out with Sweetie Belle anymore?"

"Long story," Scootaloo replied.

"We've got time," Soarin' noted.

"Okay, it was the night Sweetie Belle earned her Cutie Mark," Scootaloo began, "That night, we decided to give the rock band thing another go, with our little group registered as 'Team Cutiemark.'"

"Why such a dumb name?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"We wanted to have the people think of us with the stupidest band name in the history of the world," Scootaloo replied, "but unfortunately "Coldplay" was already taken."

"Okay," Rainbow Dash noted, "So what happened?"

"As it turns out, three wasn't enough, so Sweetie Belle recruited Twilight's assistant Spike, and that resulted in… technical difficulties…"

FOUR AND A HALF YEARS AGO

"Testing, Testing! One Two Three!" Sweetie Belle shouted into her microphone.

"Sweetie Belle, we already did the Mic check," Apple Bloom replied.

"Spike didn't," Scootaloo noted.

"Okay," Spike cleared his throat, "Testing testing! ONE TWO THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

The resulting explosion could be seen from space.

PRESENT DAY

"The strange part is that the microphone wasn't even plugged in," Scootaloo noted, "It was the worst night of our lives."

"Because you didn't get your cutie mark?" Fluttershy asked.

"Because and nobody even bothered throwing a cute-ceañera," Scootaloo replied, "Everyone else was busy trying to deal with the fire or burning to death. Sweetie Belle and Spike disappeared that night, and when we found out she had signed on with a label, we were grateful she had gone on to meet her future."

"Y'know, you still haven't earned a cutie mark yet," Soarin' noted, "Why not try one of your crazy stunts?"

"The group split up when Apple Bloom got her cutie mark," Scootaloo noted, "I stopped trying to find it afterwards, since it was no fun by myself. These days, I just ride my girlfriend all night long."

"Uh…" Everyone blushed, "That's kinda-"

"Talking about the bike!"

"And now, the filly who'll reach the top and has ruined all other music for you," The announcer spoke, "Sweetie Belle!"

Sweetie Belle looked at the camera and winked. The amount of adorableness that this action emitted caused the screen to explode.

"You guys owe me a new TV," Scootaloo deadpanned.

"That was my TV!" Soarin' replied.

"I don't care."

RED DRAGON MUSIC CORPERATION

"Sweetie Belle, we need to talk," The white-haired earth pony with a gray coat and a vinyl cutie mark addressed the star, who had a bell cutie mark with a songnote.

"I prefer to stare off into space, Godwin," Sweetie Belle noted.

"Fine. I'll talk, you can stare."

"Yay!"

"It's about the band."

"Which one?"

"The one you used to be in."

"I was in a band?"

"Yes."

"Were we good?"

"Not sure, but you were popular-ish."

"Oh! Is that good?"

"It's very good, Belle. It doesn't matter how talented you are, so long as people want to buy your merchandise," Godwin replied, "And that's what I'm here to talk to you about. You see, there's a problem with your catchphrase."

"You mean, THIS GOES OUT TO THE CMC!"

"Yes. That one."

"It's just a shout-out to my friends in Ponyville! Without them, I wouldn't have been the singer I am today!"

"Yes, but the problem that strikes me here is that you've been using it for well over a year now, and people are kind of getting sick of it."

"You told me nobody would ever get tired of that catchphrase!" Sweetie Belle noted, "You said it would make me the pony equivalent of The Funz!"

"Fonz," Godwin replied, "And well, I may have overestimated its staying power. But don't lose hope! That's why I'm here; to lose hope for you!"

Sweetie Belle raised her eyebrow at this.

"Well, I'd say it's about time for your catchphrase to be rebranded," Godwin noted.

"Rebrawatnao?"

"Rebranding is where you take a property that the general public is sick to death of seeing, change it slightly and promote it as something completely different," Godwin explained.

"That sounds both insulting and manipulative."

"I like to call it 'good marketing'."

"Well now I think it sounds great!"

"Take a catchphrase, for example," Godwin spoke.

"This goes out for the-"

"I will double your pay check right now if you never say those words again."

Sweetie Belle pulled out a calculator, punched a few numbers, and then threw it on the ground.

"GAH! This calculator can't do anything over 9999! I don't know what's two times One Billion!

"Two Billion, Belle."

"Fine, I'll stop saying it! But only because I'd like to have more money."

"We need something catchier. Something the kids will latch on to. Something like "It's time to rev it up!" or maybe "Kick this concert into Overdrive!""

"How about "All hail the CMC!""

"Perfect! It's completely new, yet it's exactly the same as the old one!" Godwin pointed out, "Surprise! Contact the sweat shops. I want it to be on T-shirts by tomorrow morning."

"Rightyoo, Goldwin-oo!" The white pegasus bolted out.

"It's Godwin!" The earth pony replied, "Dang Air-headed Pegasi."

"Hey! I happen to have an Earth Pony acquaintance like that!"

"Okay, Sweetie, we've done what we could about your catchphrase," Godwin noted, "I looked at old tapes of your performances, and, well, I think it's a good idea to get the band back together."

"What band?"

"The one you were in."

"I was in a band?"

"Yes."

"Were we good?"

"ABSOLUTELY!"

"Okay… but I haven't seen Scoots and Bloom in, like, a really, really, really long time!"

"Some of the guards saw her a few weeks ago…"

A FEW WEEKS AGO…

Two ponies in suits saw a smallish orange pegasus fly towards them.

"Hey, that pony looks familiar…" One spoke.

"LOVELY WEATHER!" The pegasus bucked his head in.

"You just beat up Tom!"

"TIP YOUR WAITRESS!"

TODAY…

"But still," Godwin changed the subject on a dime, "You and those ponies are friends! Partners! I'm sure once you guys get together, it'll be like old times."

"Yeah…" Sweetie Belle smiled, "Perhaps…"

* * *

><p>In Ponyville, someone Scootaloo knew had returned.<p>

"Belle."

"Hey Scoots!"

"What're you here for?"

"I'm here to get the CMC back together!"

"That's not gonna happen, Belle," Scootaloo sighed, "Apple Bloom realized her special talent is construction of technology. She works with ponies who need homes now."

"Nice for her…" Belle sighed, "But what about Spike?"

"Signed on with another label as a Rap Star," Scootaloo explained, "He's more successful now then he EVER was with the CMC. There's NO way you could get everyone back…"

"Oh. And ol' white-hair doesn't help."

"Who?"

"The boss at Red Dragon Co."

"Rex Godwin?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Should've known…" Scootaloo growled.

"Godwin's a pretty cool guy. You can trust him like any other pony."

"Rex Godwin is a lot of things. But trustworthy isn't one of them. Listen to me, Jack. Rex Godwin is evil. Pure and simple. He wants to use the powers of darkness to destroy the world and rebuild it in his image. You can't trust him."

"You're just jealous that I have a cutie mark and you don't!"

"I don't care about the mark anymore. It's not that important."

"Fine! See you sometime about NEVER, Scoots!"

"Well, how did it go?" Godwin asked, "Is the band back together? Can I start booking the reunion tour?"

"Book it for never!"

"Oh, that's… disappointing."

"I know! Scoots said you were evil and that you were trying to destroy the world using the powers of darkness!"

"Well, that's just ridiculous!"

"That's' what I said!"

"Everyone knows darkness doesn't work. Tirek and Nightmare Moon tried that already."

"Well, what does work?"

"The only thing strong enough to conquer the world is the power of Cuteness!"

"What?"

"That's why I need you to reunite the band, Belle," Godwin explained, "The CMC are the only ones adorable enough to bring about the total subjugation of every living thing on the planet. And I'm the only one who can fund such wide scale destruction."

"This is wrong! My special talent isn't meant to be used for evil!"

"You clearly have a lot to learn about the music industry."

"If that's the case," Sweetie Belle walked away, "I don't want to spend my life being evil! I quit!"

Godwin watched her go. His only means of generating enough adorableness to control everyone.

"Welp, this is gonna suck."

LATER…

"And you three are the new CMC!" Sweetie Belle replied, "Pound Cake!"

"Well, I can imagine my personality being developed in another one-shot!"

"Pumpkin Cake!"

"I'm not sure if I should be a baker or a magician!"

"And Derpy Hooves Jr!"

"6)(9"

"Now to crusade for Cutie Marks!" Sweetie Belle shouted, "YAY!"

Somewhere in the distance, Scootaloo was making out with a motorbike.


End file.
